Regrets

I met you in the bookstore as one of the people to look up to for help, guidance, and advice with work. You quickly became someone to intrigue me. After some time of talking and many shifts together, you were a close work friend.

When you were in class with me, there wasn’t a minute of class where we were not texting on our computers. There were so many times Dennis couldn’t help but smile when he saw me smile or fight my hardest not to laugh out loud. I could see the relief in his eyes whenever I saw when I was caught — he had known how much I had to go through physically, and therefore mentally. He was glad I found such a friend. I was too.

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Instagram: @t.mc.huynh

That day I trapped myself in the library from morning till night to force myself to study, I was forgetful enough to not bring a jacket just in case. After your shift in the bookstore, you came over to the library and gifted me with your jacket — it ended up being a dress on my tiny little self. I was so grateful that day. And then, for some time after that, you would always text me when it was raining that morning or just especially cold so I wouldn’t forget a jacket and freeze in the cold. That always made me smile.

It was during those times that I was so grateful to have a friend like you. There was no chance of breaking the friendship because of a romantic misunderstanding. I was so happy for you and your girlfriend. I could be insanely weird around you. I could let my guard down. I could let you in without fear of you hurting me. But…why did I do that?

I started telling you my fears. You were one of the couple people I had the guts to talk to about Ivan. I started telling you more and more about myself. And then I saw it, I saw you start to walk away and I hated myself for it. I knew I had gotten my hopes up too much when it came to our friendship. I knew you couldn’t take what goes through this mind. I knew, then, that I had lost the friend I found in you. And I felt a piece of my heart chip off.

Why did I trust you? Why am I disappointed in myself for doing so?

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