Constantly having earbuds in outside and headphones on inside, music is his attempt to silence the silence.
Even the music in his ears get silenced by the silence that pounds in his head.
At the same time that he heard an echo in his heart wishing for her to stop him once again and gently ask if he was okay, the panic in his mind leads him to walk a little too quickly for her to see the pain written on his face.
The confusion that runs through his every cell mutes the voice that wishes to scream out loud. The panic that screams so silences the cries through the night. The cries throughout the night are muffled by the softness of a pillow that his heart wishes to leap into. His heart, burdened and tormented with everything it’s been through, stays silent…because it simply does not know what else to do.
Every moment, he can feel himself start to panic. He can feel himself curl inside himself and wish to disappear. He can feel him losing himself.
It’s a feeling he haven’t felt in a long time. The panic. The fear. The anxiety.
He sees his fingers shaking. He feels his breath tremble. He knows if he had a soul inside, it would be screaming and screaming to every corner of the universe…
…for it hurts.
P.S. It’s fascinating.