Breaking Even More

She cries into her pillow each night her heart breaks a little further.

She sees her hands tremble even when she tries to focus. She senses herself slipping even when she is laughing and enjoying the sunlight on her skin. She knows herself better than to say she is okay.

She tries her best to remain positive but all she feels is hopelessness and helpless when everything around her travels at a constantly fast speed. She attempts to help everyone around her in order to make life a little better, if not for herself than for another, but sometimes she just gets hurt from doing so. She wants a better tomorrow but she is too focused on today and the past that she can’t run away from fast enough.

She recognizes the pain in her friend’s eyes as the pain she feels within herself. She feels the emptiness inside herself each and every night. She slips into the darkness of her surroundings as easy as she breaths.

She stays silent even when she wants to yell with anger. She remains calm even when she knows crying is all her emotions want to lead to. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on what’s in front of her even when she knows her heart and mind are thousands of miles away.

She listens to music to mute the chaotic thoughts that run inside her head. She fakes her laughs and smiles to remain normal to the outside world. She works countless hours in order to preoccupy her mind with anything but the voices she hears.

She tries to forgive herself for her past sins but is never too successful as her cold heart holds onto the bitterness she feels for herself. She attempts to get lost in her passions and all the things she loves yet nothing seems to be able to pull her away from the nightmares she always dreams.

She screams into the night as she feels herself slip back into the darkness.

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