From a girl who was taught and forced to hide her emotions and true feelings to a girl who is brave enough to force herself to experience the emotions that course through her veins, I survived. From a girl constantly being lectured about how she was “too much like a boy”, “too quiet”, or “not enough” to a girl who is ignoring the hate because she knows who she is, I made it through. From a girl who hated herself because she wasn’t anything her parents wanted her to be to a girl who is finding it a little easier to accept herself, I am okay.
As much as I despised the concept of my mother choosing temple over her only family, I don’t hate religion. As much as I was broken those few years and as much as there are some things I may still have to face myself, I’m okay with where life has taken me. It’s been some time from the hectic lifestyle I used to drown myself in, and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.
I used to need a reason to smile or laugh, but now I’m finding the courage to be happy for no freakin’ reason. I used to need someone to tell me it’s all going to be okay, but now I have faith in the future and I trust myself to survive anything and everything to comes my way. I used to need a clarification that said I was doing good, but I see the proof in the mirror each and everyday as I see my hard work pay off.
I used to think I needed someone to simply understood why I am the way I am or why I think the things I do, but now I know that it does not matter whether or not strangers “get it”. I used to think I needed their approval and their encouragement to get through something or do anything meaningful, but now I know that things are meaningful because I say so, not them. I used to think I needed someone to see my efforts and witness my hard work, but now I see that the most growth a person goes through is behind the curtains and that’s what makes it magical.
I don’t know what to say about my life right now, but I know I’m not living the same life that I used to be stuck in. I don’t know what to say about my future, but I know I will have a wonderful rollercoaster ride as I fight to write it in the sky at night. I don’t know what to say about my past, but I know I’m not the same person I used to be…and I’m so proud of myself because of that.