It stared at me from a far away distance. Even though I knew very well that I had both the time and space to head towards something different, I couldn’t stop looking back. It’s eyes teasing me, taunting me, and poked at my curiosity.
It took a step closer and suddenly fear rushed through my body like an avalanche coming down from the sky. But it stopped there, and I didn’t hesitate to think I was still safe. I took a step away from the creature but my eyes still held its gaze. It noticed me. Its presence stopped me from taking another step in the other direction.
It took a few steps closer. Now it was standing in my boundaries. My breath quickened and my heart raced. Fear seeped into my veins as I tried my best to remain calm. Despite this reaction, I found myself intrigued by what could be. I was used to being scared. I always ended up okay. What difference was this time?
The creature got closer and closer at almost lightning speed. The fear soon got numbed by the relief of still being alive. I was standing face to face with a beast. It had so much power I didn’t want to even think about what it could do to me. Staring back into its beautiful eyes, I couldn’t help but find beauty behind the under-appreciated skin.
The more I sympathized and the more I loved its beauty, the more powerful the creature grew. But the fear that rushed through my body got muffled out by every other emotion I felt. Every once in a while, the fear would dominate. But since I found the numbness feeling ten thousand times better than fear, I continued to muffle out the fear with all the other emotions. I had gotten used to this creature being there.
I stared at me, always. It was confused as I was fascinated. It was at peace almost as much as I was at war with myself. Coming from two different worlds, we stared at each other with an endless curiosity that burned inside our hearts.
I tried to reach out to it. I tried to touch my hand against its cold skin. I tried to empathize with something I didn’t remember ever understanding. I tried.
But the creature took a step back, and that moment felt like my heart was empty once again. After all this time of being used to its presence, even the smallest difference felt like a punch in the chest. I closed my eyes and reminded myself of how I swore I would never put myself in such a position that this feeling was possible. I had sworn to myself how I would never let myself give in to the point that I am comfortable with having such a powerful creature that close to me.
It could tear my heart apart. It could rattle up my mind. It could destroy me to the point where I could not see what was the truth and what was a lie.
Was I just going to stand there and wait for that to happen?
It’s like standing at gunpoint and trusting someone not to shoot, despite the endless opportunities that come on by.
It’s like trusting someone with all your hopes and dreams and having faith that they wouldn’t crush it all to dust, despite the darkness that runs through their veins.
It’s like explaining every weak point you have and trusting them not to use them against you, despite all the urges you know they have.
It’s like giving someone a bow and arrow and believing that they would never use it on you, despite how likely that a student would rebel against their master.