Revision (This)

I don’t mean to hide my life from you…I just don’t want it to drag you down from the wonderful life you seem to be living and trying to uphold.

I don’t mean to make you think I do not trust you by not letting you know what is physically wrong – because I know there is nothing you can do to make my symptoms go away.

I don’t mean to hurt you by not letting you know about everything that is mentally draining me – I do not want you to think I am someone who can’t take care of herself.

I don’t mean to shut you out when I don’t explain my feelings when I am being emotionally killed – I, most of the time, do not understand my emotions myself so how am I supposed to explain them to you?

I don’t mean you harm…I do not want to harm your life – your peaceful, energy-filled, productively busy, yet simple life.

I do not want to burden you with all the things that I have to deal with. I do not want to make you think you have to help me carry the weight that is crushing my shoulders. I do not want you here to help me out of pity! to be here out of guilt! to stay with me out of obligation! No!

I know I have gone through a lot. I’ve been exposed to many things a lot of others might have not seen or known about. I know a lot of my battles were…silent for a reason. I understand that the things I have dealt with aren’t as easily empathized with.

I don’t want to darken your world…I don’t want to take some of the beauty you see for life away. I would rather save that precious heart and stay in your still-warm arms.

I don’t want to make you feel helpless, like the many times I’ve felt before, by telling you about things you cannot do anything to change or help with; I know how that goes and have seen what it does to you – I don’t want that.

I know you care, but I don’t want to make you feel obligated to stay somewhere you no longer want to be. I know it’s a lot – a lot to deal with, everything in my life – but I don’t expect you to stay just because you feel as if I don’t have anyone else.

I know that I have gotten a lot stronger than I was. I have survived through a lot that has shaped me into the young woman I am today. My heart may be heavy and my eyes might hold a lot of pain, but I am a young woman whose scars prove she survived through the battles that tried to bring her down, and I have found a way to dance in the pain.

Believe in me.

Trust me.

I know you love me.

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