From California to the New York islands.
From the Redwood Forest, to the Gulf stream waters.
This land is made for [not] you and me.
I finally got my life figured out. I finally got out of the mindset that I need your approval for every little bit and thing that I do. I finally grew up and am learning how to move on from the past. Finally, I was free.
I was working hard for my future. I was working hard to focus on myself for once in my life. I was devoting my time to do something that would benefit me in the future. I was doing the best I could to set things straight, and get on the right path in life. Finally, I was maturing.
Then you came back into my life and reminding me of everything I used to have. What I would give to trade in my lonely hours in the library for the fairytale-like dates we would go on. What I would give to trade my silenced phone for the messages from you constantly rolling in to check on how I was doing. What I would give to trade this independency for that pure happiness I thought I had. I want that back. I want those smiles I used to see on my face. I want that feeling of safety and warmth and love. I want the past to rehearse itself and come back into my life once again. But, I don’t…at the same time.
I don’t want to become dependent on you, because I know that’s what it was. I don’t want to relay on you for the simple tasks in life, because I can survive through my days without you perfectly fine. I don’t want to constantly wait or ask for your approval, because who are you to tell me what’s right from wrong?
You come back in my life and immediately you invade my thoughts with memories of what used to be. You invade my personal space and seep into my mind to poke fun at my gut feeling telling me I want more.
I moved to a different town after separating my life from yours. I had to face the new land that stood before me, alone with no sense of where to go or what to do. I was faced with my bittersweet friends from the past that also reminded me of a horrible past I used to live. But through everything, the insanely quiet library to the way-to-noisy classrooms filled of overly excited first-years, I learned to move on to better myself.
I conquered the battles that faced me. I defeated my enemies with strength. I walked away from problems in which I knew I could not face.
So don’t come walking back pretending as if you did not do harm on your way out of my life last time. Don’t come back to show me and tease me with how much I want the support from you I used to crave. Don’t come back and tell me everything I’m doing with my life right now is wrong and you know what’s right. Don’t come back and think you’re going to invade my space.
This is my heart. This is my life. This is my future. This is my land.