In a lifetime where being deceived, lied to, betrayed, etc. was the normal behavior you learned to expect from everyone surrounding you, even your own blood relatives, you quickly come to a simply conclusion:
But then there are those days that make you think maybe it’s not all so bad. There are those days that remind you of all the good moments you experienced in your life. There are those moments you feel unbreakable, invincible, as if you could take on the world despite whether or not you had anyone by your side. There are those days that make you feel empowered, like you mean something to the world, as if you could truly make a difference.
I miss those days. I miss that life.
I miss the days I first learned what love was, how it felt to love someone (even if you loved them more than what was healthy for yourself). I miss the days I felt beautiful for the first time. I miss the days I felt loved, wanted, cared for, etc.
Looking back at those times makes me remember that a life like that exists. I just need to find it again.
I need to push beyond being rejected, being limited, being dehumanized, etc. I need to forget all the painfully scarring memories in the back of my mind. I need to overcome the doubts, the fears, the nightmares, etc.
I need to focus on things such as:
I have a real chance in making a difference in the world.
I have so many opportunities right at my grasps that I need to grab ahold on.
I am a lot luckier, a lot more privileged than I sometimes remember.
My past might have built me to how I am today, but it does not define me.
My scars are proof I overcame boundaries that were built to bring me down.
I am smarter than I give myself credit for.
I am stronger than I may think.
I am capable for more than I am brave enough to imagine.
If I focus, if I try real hard to remember those moments that make me smile, make me happy, make me proud, make me remember that a life of happiness exists? Then, guess what?
Life doesn’t suck as much anymore.