Deep Breaths. Breathe.

What am I supposed to say, when my mind is screaming for me to walk away?
When am I supposed to do, when I crave that warmth and safeness in your arms, with you?
What am I supposed to say, when I want you to stay?
What am I supposed to do, when nearly every piece of me tells me it is not supposed to be this way?

You listen to me and are there for me when you don’t have to.
You’ve shown me that there is something I’ve missed, even though I thought I had nothing to lose.

What am I supposed to do, when my heart races as the time you walk by is coming near?
What am I supposed to say, when you smile at me like you do and melt my heart?
What am I supposed to do, when I finally feel ‘human’ when I am talking to you?
What am I supposed to say, when the emotions I haven’t felt in a long time come flooding back?

But I do not want you to get hurt; I cannot bear knowing I’ll do that to you.
Walking away would save you the pain but I can’t bring myself to and that breaks my heart more than leaving would.

What am I supposed to say, when I know my past better than you and know that my emotionless and unstable state is less than what you deserve?
What am I supposed to do, when I can’t find it in my heart and my strength to push you away, or walk away from you myself?
What am I supposed to say, when the things that run through my mind, of dates and of memorable times, return to my imagination with thoughts of you?
What am I supposed to do, when all I want to do is go along with where life is taking me and see where it goes?

There is a fight within my mind that you do not know of.
It seems like all you want to do is stay around me and make me feel loved.

What am I supposed to do, when I know you might get hurt after some time?
What am I supposed to say, when your persistency melts through my walls like an acid I’ve never seen before?
What am I supposed to do, when everything in life, the weight on my shoulders, seems easier, seem lighter when I’m with you?
What am I supposed to say, when I know you should find someone better but don’t want you to leave?

I don’t know what to say to you…
I don’t know what to do with you…

All that I can keep telling myself is…breathe. Just please breathe.

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