What If?

What if I had felt ‘hurt’? Would I wanted to disappear as my parents yelled at each other in the car, for the tenth time that day?

What if I felt ‘excited’? Would I have cared whether my mother was home when I woke up as she promised so we could go out together?

What if I felt ‘envy’? Would I feel bad when I saw or heard about my friends’ happy, peaceful, loving, supportive, encouraging families?

What if I felt ‘lost’? What if I felt ‘lonely’?

What if I felt ‘bitter’? Would I had held my mother accountable for saying all those things back then?

What if I felt ‘pitiful’? Would I want people to go out of their way to make my life better?

What if I felt ‘happy’? Would I feel ten times worse when the arguments got heated and the tension got suffocatingly thick?

What if I felt ‘disappointed’? What if I felt ‘abandoned’?

What if I felt ‘guilt’? Would I had stopped before telling my father where mother was that night?

What if I felt ‘worry’? Would I had panicked when my mother’s garage didn’t open until past eleven that night?

What if I felt ‘hopeful’? Would I felt as if everything had come crashing down every time I heard them yelling?

What if…I had emotions?

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