A New Friend?

Emotionless. Isolated. Numb. Cold. Empty. Guarded.

When you look at me, I wonder if you see the demons through my eyes.
When you talk to me, I wonder if you can feel their presence in my mind.
When you approach me, I wonder if you can sense their aura around me.
When you touch me, I wonder if you notice the difference in me.

I try not to let the dark, empty black eyes of the demons seep through to mine, but they sometimes do…I hope you don’t see.
I try not to let how guarded I am becomes a boundary between me and the people around me, but it sometimes does…I hope you don’t notice.
I try not to let their presence scare people off, but I know some people do get scared…I hope you don’t run away from me too.

When you look at me, I wonder if you see the pain in my eyes from the years of betrayal and hurt.
When you talk to me, I wonder if you notice the way I pick and choose my words, always so self-aware and guarded.
When you approach me, I wonder if you note that small step back I tend to take as you walk closer.
When you touch me, I wonder if you feel me flinch and/or my body tense up under your hand.

I try not to let my past overrule my present and cause me to do things I don’t want to do, but I know it gets the best of me…I hope you can understand.
I try not to let how guarded I am to ruin friendships with new beginnings, but I have tended to push people away if they let me…I hope you don’t.
I try not to listen to my demons inside, but I know I have lost a few battles in the past couple years…I hope you don’t run and hide.

Scared. Cautious. Nervous. Tormented. Scarred. Demons.

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