How did we describe this again? How did we go back and forth describing what we went through and found out we both were facing the same thing? How did we label it?
We did it like this:
Your thoughts are jumbled inside your brain all at once.
Your thoughts overlap and confuse the hell out of you.
Your thoughts…you don’t even think you can hear them as they try to out-shout each other in your brain.
Your thoughts crowd your mind and will not silence even though you want them to so terribly bad.
Your body feels distance – you keep running your hand over your arms as if to make sure it’s still there.
Your body feels slightly cold and numb to touch.
Your body is a little more calm than ever before.
Your body feels tired and weak – it doesn’t feel as if you have the energy to do much.
You feel like you have a headache, but don’t at the same time.
You feel irritated and uneasy at the same time as being calm and collected.
You feel alone yet suffocated by everything around you and want some space.
You feel like you wish to scream and yell but can’t find it in you to do it.
The silence. That’s what we called it.
And what do you do when faced with this said, “Silence”?
You stare at a new document or a new sheet a paper ready to write everything that is on your mind, but you end up sitting there for hours without a single word sticking to the page.
You blast music, your favorite songs, trying to lose yourself in the lyrics but each melody and each verse seems useless and meaningless.
You text/call a friend wanting to talk until you forget what it was that you were so down about, but end up not being able to find the right words to say.
You hug a pillow, and hug it close, not knowing if anyone else ever felt the same.
You go get food and try to make yourself smile, but the food tastes bland and every smile you make is fake.
You head outside and go for a walk, hoping that some fresh air will do the trick, but seeing how empty, or busy, the street is just makes you more sad and feel more lonely.
You begin to draw something, get something onto a piece of paper, but ever mark you make makes you rethink and every idea you get seems impossible to do.
You watch a movie, but at the end of it you realize that you weren’t actually paying attention and you have to face that it didn’t help.
You read some happy quotes, inspirational quotes, motivational quotes, but somehow get really frustrated and annoyed by the tenth one you read.
I could go on…but I think you get the point…