Somedays

Somedays I just want to scream. I want to yell out the comebacks I’ve always held back in fear of hurting someone else. I want to shout the words I’ve always felt but didn’t want someone else to take it the wrong way. I want to scream everything that I’ve held back…wanting to keep anyone else from feeling bad.

Pity for me. Guilt. Sad. Scared. Afraid. Fear. Worry. Etc.
I didn’t want to make someone else feel these things…

Somedays I don’t want to say anything at all. I feel so empty inside. My body doesn’t feel as if it is mine. I don’t want to be here and don’t want someone to force me to do anything more. And I don’t want to try to explain this to someone else; no one never seemed to even try to understand me either way. I don’t want to open my mouth and find out I used the wrong sentence or the wrong word and hurt someone…I don’t want to make them feel the things I have…

Shocked. Unsure. Doubtful. Etc.
I didn’t want to make someone else feel these things…

Somedays I am full of anger. I want to shout. I want to punch something. I want something to hurt as much as I have! …I want to cry, out of frustration, out of confusion, out of panic, out of fear, etc. But I never have. I never want to make someone else experience the feelings I have…

Useless. Incapable. Helpless. Desperation. Panic. Etc.
I didn’t want to make someone else feel things things…I know them too well.

Somedays I don’t want to be here at all. I don’t want to deal with the pressures. I don’t want to hear the hurtful comments and the snappy remarks at every single thing I do wrong – which seems to be every little thing I try to do. I don’t want to put up with everyone comparing me to HER! I don’t want everyone telling me who I should be, what I should do, the things I should think, etc. I don’t want to feel the things I do. I don’t want to…say anything though, because I don’t want to transfer these feelings to someone else…

A disappointment. A failure. A mistake. Etc.
I never want someone else to feel like this…like me…

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