Reminders Here and There

Looking across the way, I see this girl who kind of looks like you. Her hair is black and long, her eyes are dark but welcoming, and her stance is open and seems confident. But I can see the depth in her eyes that hide many stories and experiences, I can see the timidness in the way she holds herself, and I can see her analyzing everything around her with her guard up. She reminds me of you.

In class, I talk to this girl about the assignment and what she thinks of the course so far. Her sentences are shorter and blunt; her eyes direct tentatively on me as she talks; she is still but fidgets here and there when her words seem harder to find. She slouches in her chair and plays with a pen on her desk silently as other conversations continue around her. She looks up every once in a while as if to see if anything has changed before going back to starring at her papers and pens. She reminds me of you.

Walking out to my car, I notice this girl walking in front of me. She walks slow, taking her time, as people walk past her. She looks around and examines the atmosphere around her, taking everything in instead of rushing past to get to her destination. She reminds me of you.

Even though you have disappeared from my life for months, you still appear in my thoughts every once in a while in short spurts of memories. I identify parts of strangers and new friends as similar or as the same parts I use to see in you. I see others do what you use to do and get reminded of you.

But, still, I have not found anyone who holds the same brown eyes that you have – the way you looked at me, the look you had when you were concerned about me, the way they lighted up when you smiled or laughed while still being dark and cold. I haven’t seen anyone who has your little quirks and habits – when you didn’t like the taste of something you ate, when you tried to get my attention, the way you talked. I haven’t found anyone who shared your past, your thinking, your understanding, your patience, etc. I still haven’t identified anyone so similar to you that you two were alike.

And I am so glad. Because I know there will only be one ‘you’ in my life and in my heart. No one will be able to replace your name where you had etched it in my mind, soul, and heart. It wouldn’t matter if I found someone so similar to you that you two could be identical twins, honestly, because no one will ever be able to replace you or be you.

But, again, these little details I remember from you show in different people I see or meet. There are little things that you did that they also do that brings back the memories of the time you were such a huge part of my life.

I see a girl walking down the street while I’m driving wearing a white Hurley t-shirt and dark blue jeans with black tennis shoes. She’s carrying a black backpack and walking slowly down on the side walk. She reminds me of you.

I run into this girl on the way to the store who frantically tries to see if I’m hurt or if I had dropped anything before worrying about her books that had fallen. She seems selfless and very caring and loving yet guarded and distant. She reminds me of you.

All these people remind me of you. So many things in my life still remind me of you. I can never and will never forget you, I promise.

Facebook Messenger use to be the only place we would talk. The sunsets we would see together – and the ones we would see off on our own only to text the other to look outside. The park was the place we would hang out the most. My car was the second place – for when we wouldn’t decide on where to go. My drawings which also appeared on the sheet I had given you. The quote photos we both collect.

For a while, I hadn’t thought about you. But, honestly, now when I look back I see that you had constantly appeared in my thoughts while I went through my days. Though they were not very long periods of time – they probably lasted a couple minutes, if even – but they existed and still do.

I am always reminded of you and the memories we had shared – and I will always be remembering the special moments I had experienced in your presence.

~ I miss you and I hope you reach out to me sometime in the near future.
~ I wish you the best going on with your life and working at achieving your dreams.

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